I'M BACK!

It has been some time and things have certainly changed. On May 8 ( over a month ago) I graduated from James Madison University with my Bachelors of Science Degree in Sociology YAY!!

It was almost unreal. The day was eerily clear and the whole ceremony flowed so well. I thought before the actual day about how sad I would be sitting there and seeing my friends cross the stage.
When I heard my named called and it was my time to cross the stage, I thought that would be the moment "it" all hit me. Instead I didn't feel much of anything. I wasn't sad or extremely happy. I was good, finished and content. I was just...done. My undergrad career was over and I was...OK. Today I'm still...OK. I took an awesome trip with a group of my good friends (and
fellow grads) and gotten comfortable here at home. Sooo what's next you ask? Well its all in God's hands. I have a rough (and I mean rough) draft of what I want to do. Other than that there's no pressure. I'm trying to use my time to allow God to teach me. I and trying to draw closer to him in this odd position that I'm in right now. Being here for the past month I realized that I need him even more. With my patience being tested and the alone time working my nerves, I am desperately seeking God in hopes that he remove from me the things that I have been able to see in myself that aren't very good representations of him. In this peculiar season there is only room to grow. God's plan is perfect and I'm hanging on to his every word as he positions me right where he needs me.



*Just wanted to share a poem (well somewhat of one) I wrote quite some time ago. I felt that it was appropriate for this particular post because it shows that though its been some time since I've posted, I'm still learning and hearing from God, and STILL seeking his face. Love Him So Much!*
~Still~

I am sitting Indian style just looking ahead of me. I have climbed this entire mountain. I have gotten so close to the very top., all I need to do is walk over to the other side. But I don't. Instead I just sit there. I can see the light shining inviting me to explore all that it has to offer. I think about how wonderful it must be over there. I don't know what to expect, but He's telling me He has my best interest in mind. He's reminding me how He traveled with me this whole way; even when I didn't want Him with me. He let me know that He is going to go over to the other side with me. "You don't need to worry love, I will never leave you," He says. "But I like this little spot I found. It's comfortable. I don't know if I can get over to the other side. My equipment may not be able to make it," was my response. He looks at me and reminds me that He's there to help. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. He loves me. His encouragement causes me to stand. OK I trust you I am going to make my way forward. "I believe you love me, and I know you will never leave me." I began to walk forward. As I come closer to the top of the mountain of life I am stopped at a cliff. Before me I can see the vast world of so much possibility and depth. Like an ocean horizon that has no end, it continues as my eyes search the expanse. I get closer to the edge and I look to see how high I am. So high. A fall would be forever from here. My life would be in pieces. I see what's before me but how can I get there? Once I'm there what am I supposed to do? How will I know where I am supposed to go? I liked my spot I think I'll just stay there; this is way too much to handle and navigate all alone. I am leaning further on the cliff as I look before me and I felt a gentle push on my back. I lose my footing and search frantically for my balance.

"I told you I will never leave you. I love you so much, just trust me."

"I am so afraid! I don't even know what I'm doing. Besides what is the point anymore my equipment isn't good enough. What can I add out there what can I do?"

I felt another push

"I have it planned. I will finish what I started in you. Put your faith in me; let my love and your love for me be what compels you to keep going. Don't worry about anything, but trust in me. In whatever you do, do it in Love for me."

"But God, I can't I just can't. I don't have what it takes."

I felt another push now I am on my toes leaning over the edge

"Do you love me"

"I love you"

"Do you trust me"

"I trust you God"

"Don't let your thoughts put boundaries on your life in me. I see you for who you are and I know who I have called you to be. You are lacking nothing and in me you can do all things. I have given you new life and I renewed your strength. I will stay with you and we will grow closer to each other. I have been with you this far. There is no fear. Listen, love me and let me love you, seek my face, fill yourself with my word, come with me where ever I go. Keep your faith. Believe these things I tell you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too." Hesitant with tears welling up. "God" I sigh in between heavier breaths. "I need you closer I want to believe but I need to get pass these insecurities and my uncertainty. Help my belief God. I want to live for you alone. Leaning further now. Love me God, teach me, lead me....God I need you to push me."

During this Christmas break I found myself stressing over my future. *sigh*

May 8 2010 I will be a graduate of James Madison University with a Bachelors of Science Degree in Sociology.
Upon entering College I remember seeing a reality show on a popular channel. This show followed a few young women working in the public relations field. They were sucessful powerful young women moving about the entertainment and fashion industries. After seeing these women I knew that that was the type of career I wanted. It was exciting, fabulous (lol), and more. I noticed aspects of myself that went hand in hand with the type of work I wanted to do. After 4 years at JMU and three majors (Business Marketing, Communications Studies:Public Relations, (now) Sociology) I have reached a point of uncertainty. My perfect plans have been shifted and now I will be graduating with (what I believe and am afraid of) a lack of the necessary knowledge for my prospective field.
With graduation quickly approaching (AND I MEAN QUICKLY) I am nervous about the next huge step. Graduate school? What jobs are out there? How come everyone else has it figured out? Do I have what it takes for the real world? All of this worry and fear has been on my mind...until I realized...I'm modeling my life after the world. I have found myself to be ranking myself based on my gpa and the weight of my degree. I want to obtain a job so I can have the nice car, the nice condo, the cutest clothes, the "good life." In realizing this I am reminded that none of this matters in the Kingdom of God. In all this worry I haven't been able to practice my complete faith and trust in Christ. My aim has shifted from trying to be Christ like to trying to be accepted and by the world! Well I cast it down in the Name of Jesus! I speak against any insecurities, any doubts and all fear. I bring the cross of Christ against it all. I trust the Lord with ALL of my heart and allow his peace to comfort me. I know He has my best interest in mind and I am trusting and waiting on Him. In the meantime I plan to please Him in all I do, my attitude, intentions and more. I plan to continue to seek his heart and allow his loving arms to bring me rest. Allowing Him to have His will and His way in my life because I know what He has planned is far greater than what I can imagine. Forgive me Father for being so distracted with the cares of this world. Thank you for being born for me. All Glory and praise to the King of Kings, my refuge from even myself, the love of my life because He gave me back my life, Jesus Christ.

*singing* Remedy by Ayiesha Woods...next...Lord I Give You my Heart/Great is our God by Anthony Evans *singing*

Phillipians 3:14, 4:19, 4:13
1 Peter 5:7
Luke 11:9-12
Deuteronomy 28:13
Jeremiah 29:11
1 John 2:15
1 John 4:4
Romans 8:37
II Timothy 1:7

*The evidence of the new birth is that I yield myself so completely to God that "Christ is formed" in me, His nature immediately begins to work through me.* Oswald Chambers

[Verse 1]
Moving down the streams of my lifetime
Pulls the fascination in my sleeve
Cooling off the fire of my longing
Boiling off my cold within his heat
Melting down the walls of inhibition
Evaporating all of my fears
Baptizing me into complete submission
Dissolving my condition with his tears

[Chorus]
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years

[Verse 2]
Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing
Floating through the space of my design
Drowning me to find my inside sailing
Drinking in the mainstream of his mind
Filling up the cup of my emotions
Spilling over into all I do
If I only I could get lost in his ocean
Surviving on the thought of loving you

[Chorus]
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water, the water
I ain't felt this way in years

[Verse 3]
Bathing in the fountain of his essence
He causes my expression to remain
Humbled on a mountain by his presence
Washing my intentions with his name
Sealing off the floodgates of his passions
Saving all his liquid for his own
Moisturizing me to satisfaction
In my imagination? No no!
He's pouring out his soul to me for hours and hours
Drawing out my nature with his hands
Yearning I'm so thirsty for his power
Burning to be worthy of his land

[Chorus]
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years

[Ad Libs Remainder]
Cleaning me
He's purging me
And moving me around
He's bathing me
And he's claiming me
And moving me around
Around and around and around
And around
Watching me, claiming me
Moving me around
He's purging me
He's been cleaning me
And moving me around
And around

So in Love with God. The lyrics are so deep