“And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20: 22-24

This morning I read this chapter and was immediately comforted by this scripture. In this new stage/chapter/season (whatever you want to call it) I have had so many emotions. In some moments, I feel anxious about what's happening and what's going to happen. The infamous questions of "so what are you going to do now?" (yes I'm still getting that one) or "what's next?" and my attempts to explain my "plans" all tend to weigh heavy on me. I'm here and there with my ideas all the while thinking...ugh I don't know and I'm OK with that. At night I think about all the things that seem to be so important. Things I think I need to take care of or consider...securing a full time job, paying back these loans, car? apartment? *shrug* Its so much... I was asked today in one of my attempts to explain the position I'm in, "what are you passionate about?" Can I tell you? I thought. Will really you understand that the cares of this world me nothing to me in comparison to knowing God and living/serving/dying for Him? You want to know what I want to do? I want to Glorify God with my whole life. I desire to see people come to know Him. I want to help build up the kingdom. I want to "finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me." Even if it means me not having what I think I need. To many people it may sound crazy but this is the one accomplishment I know that I will find true satisfaction in. It is where I want to place my energy, it's my true motivation. God I trust you. I'm just ready to get busy for you and with you.

"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." Psalm 27:4

I am sitting Indian style just looking ahead of me. I have climbed this entire mountain. I have gotten so close to the very top., all I need to do is walk over to the other side. But I don't. Instead I just sit there. I can see the light shining inviting me to explore all that it has to offer. I think about how wonderful it must be over there. I don't know what to expect, but He's telling me He has my best interest in mind. He's reminding me how He traveled with me this whole way; even when I didn't want Him with me. He let me know that He is going to go over to the other side with me. "You don't need to worry love, I will never leave you," He says. "But I like this little spot I found. It's comfortable. I don't know if I can get over to the other side. My equipment may not be able to make it," was my response. He looks at me and reminds me that He's there to help. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. He loves me. His encouragement causes me to stand. OK I trust you I am going to make my way forward. "I believe you love me, and I know you will never leave me." I began to walk forward. As I come closer to the top of the mountain of life I am stopped at a cliff. Before me I can see the vast world of so much possibility and depth. Like an ocean horizon that has no end, it continues as my eyes search the expanse. I get closer to the edge and I look to see how high I am. So high. A fall would be forever from here. My life would be in pieces. I see what's before me but how can I get there? Once I'm there what am I supposed to do? How will I know where I am supposed to go? I liked my spot I think I'll just stay there; this is way too much to handle and navigate all alone. I am leaning further on the cliff as I look before me and I felt a gentle push on my back. I lose my footing and search frantically for my balance.

"I told you I will never leave you. I love you so much, just trust me."

"I am so afraid! I don't even know what I'm doing. Besides what is the point anymore my equipment isn't good enough. What can I add out there what can I do?"

I felt another push

"I have it planned. I will finish what I started in you. Put your faith in me; let my love and your love for me be what compels you to keep going. Don't worry about anything, but trust in me. In whatever you do, do it in Love for me."

"But God, I can't I just can't. I don't have what it takes."

I felt another push now I am on my toes leaning over the edge

"Do you love me"

"I love you"

"Do you trust me"

"I trust you God"

"Don't let your thoughts put boundaries on your life in me. I see you for who you are and I know who I have called you to be. You are lacking nothing and in me you can do all things. I have given you new life and I renewed your strength. I will stay with you and we will grow closer to each other. I have been with you this far. There is no fear. Listen, love me and let me love you, seek my face, fill yourself with my word, come with me where ever I go. Keep your faith. Believe these things I tell you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too." Hesitant with tears welling up. "God" I sigh in between heavier breaths. "I need you closer I want to believe but I need to get pass these insecurities and my uncertainty. Help my belief God. I want to live for you alone. Leaning further now. Love me God, teach me, lead me....God I need you to push me."

During this Christmas break I found myself stressing over my future. *sigh*

May 8 2010 I will be a graduate of James Madison University with a Bachelors of Science Degree in Sociology.
Upon entering College I remember seeing a reality show on a popular channel. This show followed a few young women working in the public relations field. They were sucessful powerful young women moving about the entertainment and fashion industries. After seeing these women I knew that that was the type of career I wanted. It was exciting, fabulous (lol), and more. I noticed aspects of myself that went hand in hand with the type of work I wanted to do. After 4 years at JMU and three majors (Business Marketing, Communications Studies:Public Relations, (now) Sociology) I have reached a point of uncertainty. My perfect plans have been shifted and now I will be graduating with (what I believe and am afraid of) a lack of the necessary knowledge for my prospective field.
With graduation quickly approaching (AND I MEAN QUICKLY) I am nervous about the next huge step. Graduate school? What jobs are out there? How come everyone else has it figured out? Do I have what it takes for the real world? All of this worry and fear has been on my mind...until I realized...I'm modeling my life after the world. I have found myself to be ranking myself based on my gpa and the weight of my degree. I want to obtain a job so I can have the nice car, the nice condo, the cutest clothes, the "good life." In realizing this I am reminded that none of this matters in the Kingdom of God. In all this worry I haven't been able to practice my complete faith and trust in Christ. My aim has shifted from trying to be Christ like to trying to be accepted and by the world! Well I cast it down in the Name of Jesus! I speak against any insecurities, any doubts and all fear. I bring the cross of Christ against it all. I trust the Lord with ALL of my heart and allow his peace to comfort me. I know He has my best interest in mind and I am trusting and waiting on Him. In the meantime I plan to please Him in all I do, my attitude, intentions and more. I plan to continue to seek his heart and allow his loving arms to bring me rest. Allowing Him to have His will and His way in my life because I know what He has planned is far greater than what I can imagine. Forgive me Father for being so distracted with the cares of this world. Thank you for being born for me. All Glory and praise to the King of Kings, my refuge from even myself, the love of my life because He gave me back my life, Jesus Christ.

*singing* Remedy by Ayiesha Woods...next...Lord I Give You my Heart/Great is our God by Anthony Evans *singing*

Phillipians 3:14, 4:19, 4:13
1 Peter 5:7
Luke 11:9-12
Deuteronomy 28:13
Jeremiah 29:11
1 John 2:15
1 John 4:4
Romans 8:37
II Timothy 1:7

*The evidence of the new birth is that I yield myself so completely to God that "Christ is formed" in me, His nature immediately begins to work through me.* Oswald Chambers

God revealed to me some truth behind the Bronze Snake story in Numbers 21:4-9. I am in love with this story and the faith that was taught through it....so here it goes....

When the Israelites were once again complaining about what they don't have and how miserable they were, the Lord sent venomous snakes among them. Many people were bitten and some died.

They begged Moses to pray for God to take the snakes away. The Lord told him to make a snake and put it on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live. So Moses did so and when anyone was bitten and looked at the bronze snake they lived.

For some this story may seem strange. But the point of this story is to illuminate and show the importance of faith.

God gave them (us too!) a way to be saved from their complaining and their sins. It shows how we should put all of our trust in Him. By simply looking up and believing we are all saved.

This story is brought up again in John 3:14-15 which reads:

"Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life."

So Jesus' death on the cross is what we should continue to look to. We should take our focus off our situations and try not to let them determine how we live and worship. In the midst of any situation we should look to God and have faith.To be saved from sin, to be healed, to be victorious.
I'm trynna see more of Him in my life. And you should too. Lift Him up above your emotions your issues and circumstances. Make Him the head of your life and be saved. Have a faith that keeps you looking at him!