She walks into her room, pulls out her journal and begins a new entry. This entry is a little different from the others. Its different because its more of a rant; an outpouring of her emotions rooted in confusion, anger, embarrassment, and even some shame.
She writes:
This is just a mess what am I doing? I'm always thinking about him and how I can make him happy. Is this bad? Shouldn’t he be the one making this “effort”? We decided to be friends but why can't I just let it go. Am I playing myself God? I feel like I am... I’m so embarrassed. He has broken my heart more than once. But for some reason I sill have this desire to be his. Is this what God desires for me right now? Are you letting this happen because there's something you want me to learn? God I really need you...maybe its not for me to know where you want me to be right now but God I want to please you. I want to please you with my thoughts, my actions, my attitude. I don’t want to be so caught up in what this guy, or any guy, thinks and/or if he’s “the one.” Then I don’t want to worry about who and when “the one” is coming. I think I really messed up this time. I didn’t listen to you when you told me to guard my heart. When you told me to leave it alone and focus on our relationship. I read deep into everything he said. I opened up and revealed so much of myself to him, God I need you. I need you to forgive me, teach me; show me your face. Draw me back to you God. I’m so sorry for being distracted and letting this take over my thoughts. Convict me father when I start to think too much or start to give into my feelings. Convict me in my conversation, thoughts, and motives. I’m so sorry God I need more of you. Please forgive me I truly Love you. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Though he urged her to be obedient, she allowed her emotions to guide her.
She had been praying in the midst of the situation that God would remove the disracting thoughts and cares. She prayed for the discipline to make every thought obedient to God. From the beginning she prayed for protection over her heart and for God to provide her with his wisdom and discernment.
God placed on her heart before all of the confusion started that she needed to guard her heart and to stay away from the desires He knew she wasn't ready for. He needed her to spend more time with Him learning how to love and be loved.
I'll set you as a seal upon my heart,
as a seal upon my arm;
for your love is as strong as death,
its jealousy demanding as the grave.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away."
"You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours
There is a song I heard at church and the lyrics sing:
Could the results she's being faced with now be not only the consequence of her choice to follow her emotions but also the exact thing she prayed for? "God just take it all away. I want to be truly and entirely yours and yours alone" were the words of her prayers and based on the present evidence we can see that God heard her.
She writes:
This is just a mess what am I doing? I'm always thinking about him and how I can make him happy. Is this bad? Shouldn’t he be the one making this “effort”? We decided to be friends but why can't I just let it go. Am I playing myself God? I feel like I am... I’m so embarrassed. He has broken my heart more than once. But for some reason I sill have this desire to be his. Is this what God desires for me right now? Are you letting this happen because there's something you want me to learn? God I really need you...maybe its not for me to know where you want me to be right now but God I want to please you. I want to please you with my thoughts, my actions, my attitude. I don’t want to be so caught up in what this guy, or any guy, thinks and/or if he’s “the one.” Then I don’t want to worry about who and when “the one” is coming. I think I really messed up this time. I didn’t listen to you when you told me to guard my heart. When you told me to leave it alone and focus on our relationship. I read deep into everything he said. I opened up and revealed so much of myself to him, God I need you. I need you to forgive me, teach me; show me your face. Draw me back to you God. I’m so sorry for being distracted and letting this take over my thoughts. Convict me father when I start to think too much or start to give into my feelings. Convict me in my conversation, thoughts, and motives. I’m so sorry God I need more of you. Please forgive me I truly Love you. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Though he urged her to be obedient, she allowed her emotions to guide her.
She had been praying in the midst of the situation that God would remove the disracting thoughts and cares. She prayed for the discipline to make every thought obedient to God. From the beginning she prayed for protection over her heart and for God to provide her with his wisdom and discernment.
God placed on her heart before all of the confusion started that she needed to guard her heart and to stay away from the desires He knew she wasn't ready for. He needed her to spend more time with Him learning how to love and be loved.
I'll set you as a seal upon my heart,
as a seal upon my arm;
for your love is as strong as death,
its jealousy demanding as the grave.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away."
"You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours
There is a song I heard at church and the lyrics sing:
Could the results she's being faced with now be not only the consequence of her choice to follow her emotions but also the exact thing she prayed for? "God just take it all away. I want to be truly and entirely yours and yours alone" were the words of her prayers and based on the present evidence we can see that God heard her.
Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say,'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now' Hosea 2:6-7
Above all else guard our heart, for it is the wellspring of life Proverbs 4:23
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Solomon 8:4
Cast all our anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
We take captive every thought and make it obedient to God 2 Cor. 10:5
She is placing a seal upon her heart as it is written in Song of Solomon 8:6. She prays God will once again ignite the flame so that it burns like a blazing fire for Him.
The one line is in bold because God's love is so strong that He can become jealous of anything or anyone that tries to take His place. Because He knew the results of her decision He took away the thing that was holding her back from Him. Her thoughts, motives everything was wrapped up in the illusion and God continued to chase her heart to bring her back. He won't relent until He has our whole heart and now that this has been made clear all she can do is completely surrender. She now has room to grow in trusting the Lord and loving Him. Room to learn to wait and set boundaries in order to protect herself. She has learned to not offer too much of herself to a man until she has good, solid evidence that he is strong and willing to commit.
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