Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Manifesto by The City Harmonic
I blessed by this song at a church I recently visited :O)
Labels: Cool Finds
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Where The Wild Things Are - Oraia
I was blessed by this artist at the MISFIT tour concert. She got swag but giving truth!
Labels: Cool Finds
Another Devo Worth Sharing
Ecclesiastes 12:13 "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."
HAVE I STAYED TOO LONG AT THE FAIR? There is an old song that asks the musical question, "Have I stayed too long at the fair?" The idea is that life is losing its luster, perhaps because we've overstayed our welcome, or expected things it failed to deliver. It is the song of someone older who is looking back at his youth with disappointment. "I wanted to live in a carnival city with laughter and love everywhere. I wanted my friends to be charming and witty, I wanted someone to care. I found my blue ribbons all shiny and new, but now I've discovered them no longer blue. The merry-go-round is beginning to taunt me--have I stayed too long at the fair? There's nothing to win and no one to want me - have I stayed too long at the fair?" If we buy into this world's system of priorities, eventually everything we've chased will disappoint us. Unless we're living for God in Christ, we will reach old age and say, "It's all meaningless. I've stayed too long at the fair." This happened to Solomon, or "Solo-Man" as I've called him. At the end of his life, he cut to the chase and said, "I've had it all--and none of it amounted to much." He pursued love, riches, knowledge, religion and power. He attained a measure of success in all of them, but none satisfied. Far too many of us could say with Solomon, "I've stayed too long at the fair." Maybe you've bought into the world's system, and all you have to show for your efforts today are depression, despondency, broken relationships and broken dreams. But for the man or woman who has spent a lifetime pursuing Jesus Christ, every day is sweeter than the day before. My friend Jane Elder, who pursued Him for 90 years, never sang "I've stayed too long at the fair." Jane's favorite song was "The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows." What about you? Which song would you rather sing in the twilight of life?
Devo Worth Sharing
Esther 4:14 "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?"
NOTHING MORE THAN NOTHING A sparrow looked at a dove and asked him this question: "How much does a single snowflake weigh?" The dove answered "Nothing more than nothing." Then the sparrow told this story. "Last week when the snow was softly falling, I was nestled in a fir tree's branch, as close to the trunk of that tree as I could get. As I watched the flurry from my hiding place, I began to count the snowflakes as they landed on the branch. I counted and counted until I came to three million, four hundred ninety-three thousand, seven hundred and twenty-one. Then one more snowflake fell--nothing more than nothing--and the whole branch broke off and tumbled down below." With that the sparrow flew away, and the dove thought and thought. Nothing more than nothing--a single snowflake--made a difference in the sparrow's story. I wonder if you might be that one person--nothing more than nothing--that might make a difference in your world, your home, today? Mom--what can you teach your children that no one else can? How many hugs can you give? Dads--how often can you play catch or checkers or Monopoly, or listen to your child's latest victory or struggle with your undivided attention? Husbands--how many acts of kindness can you show your wife? Wives--how many loving touches can you give your husband? You see, you and I can make a difference. A hundred couples with vibrant, God-honoring marriages could touch and influence a thousand other couples. Ten men who are devoted to their children before job or self could influence a hundred more. A handful of women who pray for one another's faithfulness to honor God could change a generation. How much does a single snowflake weigh? Nothing more than nothing? Or more than enough?
Thursday, July 14, 2011
His Will - The Storm
Back in October 2010 I listened to a talk by Todd Nighswonger of the Cornerstone Church. The talk was on trying to find God' will in our lives. He stressed the importance of just focusing our search on seeking the heart of God instead of what we think His will may be in our lives. To support this he described a conversation he had with a captain in the Australian Navy. The captain described the treacherous typhoons they often deal with while sailing in the India ocean. Todd asked the captain "what do you do in the middle of such storms?" The captain explained how most of the young seamen try to beat the storm. They fight the currents and strong winds struggling to try to find their way to the shore. He went on to explain that the greatest captains shut off their engines, wait and let the storm take them to shore. Wow...in the middle of a Typhoon the best option is to turn your engine off and ride it out?
I started to document my life post graduating and at the time I didn't realize I was in the middle of my own storm. I left off with an argument with my aunt in Alabama. I apologized and got the opportunity to travel with her and my cousin to San Francisco. The trip was awesome I got to know them better and see many great sights. After returning to Alabama I kept busy job searching and the family.
November:
~The Dark Clouds Rolling In~
At about 8:30, I heard the phone ring in the other room. Usually about this time my mom would called to check in and chat with my aunt. I waited to hear my aunt's laughter but instead things grew very quiet. I tried to ignore the silence when I heard my aunt knock on the door to come in to my room. She told me my mother had what they thought was a stroke and that we needed to get back to VA as soon as possible. My heart sank and hot tears began to flow. I prayed and I prayed, God what's going on? Just let me get there please just let me get there. Our flight was set for 6:00 am. In the car on the way to the airport my father called me he let me know that my mom was unresponsive, unable to move or speak. I could hear his tears and at once I felt my own. God just let me get there. Is this it? After a few agonizing hours and one layover my sister texted me to tell me that mommy was starting to come to she was reaching for them and saying I love you. Thank you God! I'm trusting you I'm almost there.
When I got to the hospital I finally saw her. She was weak and her words were all scrambled. At the time I wasn't sure if she knew who I was but I hugged her and told her I loved her over and over again.
She spent time at the hospital and was later released. We were informed that she did in fact have a seizure. Her seizure was the result of swelling in her head from a number of tumors located there.
~Hard Rain, Thunder, and Lightning~
The next 2 months were perhaps the worst of the storm. My mother was the orchestrator of the house hold. She knew everything about each one of us. She handled the bills in her our little system and still found time to decorate and cook beautiful meals. After this stroke it all stopped. Her memory was gone. My family and I spent hours and hours trying to dsecipher her pass codes and schedules. With everything array the household was burdened with heavy stress and tension. Our mother was weak and getting weaker as time passed. The stress gave way to arguments and dissension. (looking back those "issues" never mattered)
Personally, I was thinking of my future on top of caring for my mother. Student loan people were beginning to call, I was still trying to secure a full time job while still wondering if I wanted to pursue graduate school.
Fear and uncertainty seemed to take over and consume us. Until February...
~The Eye of the Storm~
I was offered a full time job at a law firm and my mother was so proud of me. She had become so weak by this point she was not able to walk anymore. February and March seemed to flow gently. We had finally figured out mommy's system and caught up with what we could. We were laughing together again and had a new routine caring for mommy and handling our business. My aunts, uncle and a few of my mother's friends were there to help and I appreciated everything. They would cook and help us clean. It was as if things were getting better. I felt like things were getting better...
~The Rest of the Hurricane~
April was different. Mommy was the weakest I've ever seen her. Very lethargic and solemn. One day it hit me this may be worse than I thought. I know this is something dumb to think. But. I never thought it was this..bad...She never complained. I always thought she would get better....The way she moved and managed I never thought she'd..I just didn't.
My father cared and served he with every once of energy he had. He slept on the couch across from her hospital bed every night and got up for work the next day to come home and do it all again. April 21st, Mommy was given the medicine she usually takes. It usually makes her very sleepy. I came home from work around five to find her in a deep, deep sleep state. I have never seen her sleep like this befor. Daddy said the medicine makes her sleep and we're going to wait just a bit longer to see if she comes out of it like usual. Hours past and the state remained. 4 am the next morning April 22, we called the ambulance. They were able to stabilize her and my brother, sister and I were about to hear the words we had been wondering this entire time. My mother's doctor, with tears in his eyes, told us that this was the end. That she will not recover. He suggested we take her home and continue to love and care for her.
I prayed for her. I prayed every moment for her. God I know what the doctor said but this can't be it. I know she's in pain. I know she can't tell us how much it hurts but I need her. I need her here with me.
On Wednesday April 27 around 4 my father texted me while I was still at work. "Its time to come home" I immediately packed my things and made my way home. I cried the entire drive. I cried out to God for something, anything but what I think it is.
My Mother passed on April 27, 2011 at 7:41 PM surrounded by everyone who loved her.
~Peace after the Storm~
I found it strange the peace I felt after my mother passed. I thought about what it looked like to grieve and if I was doing it "right." I started to fear the peace and comfort the Holy Spirit allowed me to feel to the point where I don't think I was feeling anything. The truth is, I think about my mother everyday. I miss everything about her but I am at peace with the fact that she is now with God. No more pain, fear, or suffering. These days are difficult but God is sustaining us. There are so many feelings and revelations from this time in my life and I am thankful for the growth that's here and the growth that's coming.My relationship withGod is beginning to pick up again. It was difficult (and I believe you will never "get over" loosing your parent) but the clouds are beginning to clear and I'm starting to see the shore.
"When difficult trials and tribulations come into your life, Don't turn from God in anger and ask why? Run to Him in love and ask for help. Trust and believe in Him. He answers your prayers, heals and delivers you" - Melissa R. Williams.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Post Grad Series Part 3
This is the continuation of the Post Grad Series. Just as a prologue to this section, my mother has been battle cancer for the past seven years. It began as breast cancer and over time has metastasized to her brain. At this particular time during this section she has been through chemotherapy and radiation on numerous occasions. In the midst of the chemo and radiation she also underwent surgery. There have been seizures and moments where she has become ill to the point of debilitation. Though this entire situation has been difficult for her and our family, God has kept her and he continues to heal her every day.
Little things were starting to irk me. I was noticing comments that seem to insinuate that I was sent to Alabama to be taught how to be a real “grown up.” Comments such as “you get it now, that how you should be thinking.” I felt that there were lingering feeling concerning my disagreement and a consensus among my family member to help set things straight. Maybe I was paranoid. I knew that there was never any real closure in that disagreement and I was becoming annoyed.
9/12/10
It was made clear to my (all that you had been saying all along) when I got into it with my Aunt about my Mom and all the drama that had occurred before I left. She talked about how I’ve changed and how I am self-centered, immature and focused more so, on my friends than family. She also expressed to me that she doesn’t think really I understand what cancer is or the magnitude the effects this disease carries. I was infuriated by her comments, and as the argument increased and quickly found myself overtaken by my emotions. All at once I was disappointed, angry, confused, and hurt. In my words, my emotion poured out accompanied by burning tears and attempts to catch my breath. I felt that in my hysteria I wasn’t being heard. Wait…Correction. Not that I wasn’t being heard but it felt as though my Aunt wasn’t really listening to me let alone understanding all that I was saying. In the midst of my frustration in trying to be understood, I heard your voice. It was tender and still very firm and clear. I heard your voice in the middle of my shouting: “How else am I going to respond when my mother is calling me names, belittling, and isolating me?!” You said softly, “With love.” “How can I communicate with you or with her when all I’m getting is cutting words and ridicule?” Again you said, “Amanda, with love.” I heard you but so much of me want to continue in my anger. Thinking about what you said and in the middle of my reading Hosea, where I see how even though your people rejected you, you met them with gentle and forgiving love. I realize how much anger I have been holding on to. I need your help continue to pull these things out of me and allow me to truly respond with love.
- These feelings were confirmed this morning at church. The pastor talked about the importance of being connected to You as well as to the people around me. Mark 12:29-31. You require us to love with all our heart, soul and strength; and others as ourselves. Both relationships have positive influence on each other. The more time we spend getting to know and experience your love and presence, the more we can share with other. And! The more fellowship we have with others, your presence is made even more evident. Matthew 18:19. The pastor identified believers as batteries charged by the Holy Spirit to bring life into situations, issues and people. I thought about my family and really had to ask myself some questions. What kind of relationships am I in? One that I am putting life into? One that I am receiving life from? Or one that is draining life from me? In thinking about it I wasn’t sure which relationship I identified with. I know, however, that I want to be the battery that brings life to my family in the middle of these situations. Instead of letting my emotions overpower me I want to rely on your Holy Spirit. I want to be a reflection of you. I know I can’t do this on my own so I just pray that you continue to exorcise the things that are not like you. Teach and Train me to love as you do.
~~
I apologized to my Aunt for my hysteria and I felt her forgiveness. I spent time listening for God and doing my best to make the best of each moment with them. I continued in my search. Though very little was happening in this particular area, I remained optimistic. I did not want to allow myself to be anxious and ultimately surrendered it all to God.
Things got better between my Alabama family and I was excited for a new and quite adventurous opportunity soon to come…
Labels: Post Grad Series
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