During this Christmas break I found myself stressing over my future. *sigh*
May 8 2010 I will be a graduate of James Madison University with a Bachelors of Science Degree in Sociology.
Upon entering College I remember seeing a reality show on a popular channel. This show followed a few young women working in the public relations field. They were sucessful powerful young women moving about the entertainment and fashion industries. After seeing these women I knew that that was the type of career I wanted. It was exciting, fabulous (lol), and more. I noticed aspects of myself that went hand in hand with the type of work I wanted to do. After 4 years at JMU and three majors (Business Marketing, Communications Studies:Public Relations, (now) Sociology) I have reached a point of uncertainty. My perfect plans have been shifted and now I will be graduating with (what I believe and am afraid of) a lack of the necessary knowledge for my prospective field.
With graduation quickly approaching (AND I MEAN QUICKLY) I am nervous about the next huge step. Graduate school? What jobs are out there? How come everyone else has it figured out? Do I have what it takes for the real world? All of this worry and fear has been on my mind...until I realized...I'm modeling my life after the world. I have found myself to be ranking myself based on my gpa and the weight of my degree. I want to obtain a job so I can have the nice car, the nice condo, the cutest clothes, the "good life." In realizing this I am reminded that none of this matters in the Kingdom of God. In all this worry I haven't been able to practice my complete faith and trust in Christ. My aim has shifted from trying to be Christ like to trying to be accepted and by the world! Well I cast it down in the Name of Jesus! I speak against any insecurities, any doubts and all fear. I bring the cross of Christ against it all. I trust the Lord with ALL of my heart and allow his peace to comfort me. I know He has my best interest in mind and I am trusting and waiting on Him. In the meantime I plan to please Him in all I do, my attitude, intentions and more. I plan to continue to seek his heart and allow his loving arms to bring me rest. Allowing Him to have His will and His way in my life because I know what He has planned is far greater than what I can imagine. Forgive me Father for being so distracted with the cares of this world. Thank you for being born for me. All Glory and praise to the King of Kings, my refuge from even myself, the love of my life because He gave me back my life, Jesus Christ.
*singing* Remedy by Ayiesha Woods...next...Lord I Give You my Heart/Great is our God by Anthony Evans *singing*
Phillipians 3:14, 4:19, 4:13
1 Peter 5:7
Luke 11:9-12
Deuteronomy 28:13
Jeremiah 29:11
1 John 2:15
1 John 4:4
Romans 8:37
II Timothy 1:7
*The evidence of the new birth is that I yield myself so completely to God that "Christ is formed" in me, His nature immediately begins to work through me.* Oswald Chambers
Friday, December 25, 2009
Embracing The World's Dreams
Sunday, December 20, 2009
"Just Like Water" by Lauryn Hill
[Verse 1]
Moving down the streams of my lifetime
Pulls the fascination in my sleeve
Cooling off the fire of my longing
Boiling off my cold within his heat
Melting down the walls of inhibition
Evaporating all of my fears
Baptizing me into complete submission
Dissolving my condition with his tears
[Chorus]
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
[Verse 2]
Coursing through my senses, he's prevailing
Floating through the space of my design
Drowning me to find my inside sailing
Drinking in the mainstream of his mind
Filling up the cup of my emotions
Spilling over into all I do
If I only I could get lost in his ocean
Surviving on the thought of loving you
[Chorus]
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water, the water
I ain't felt this way in years
[Verse 3]
Bathing in the fountain of his essence
He causes my expression to remain
Humbled on a mountain by his presence
Washing my intentions with his name
Sealing off the floodgates of his passions
Saving all his liquid for his own
Moisturizing me to satisfaction
In my imagination? No no!
He's pouring out his soul to me for hours and hours
Drawing out my nature with his hands
Yearning I'm so thirsty for his power
Burning to be worthy of his land
[Chorus]
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
He's just like the water
I ain't felt this way in years
[Ad Libs Remainder]
Cleaning me
He's purging me
And moving me around
He's bathing me
And he's claiming me
And moving me around
Around and around and around
And around
Watching me, claiming me
Moving me around
He's purging me
He's been cleaning me
And moving me around
And around
So in Love with God. The lyrics are so deep
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
He enjoys her heart...then leaves. And she wonders "What did I do wrong?"
She walks into her room, pulls out her journal and begins a new entry. This entry is a little different from the others. Its different because its more of a rant; an outpouring of her emotions rooted in confusion, anger, embarrassment, and even some shame.
She writes:
This is just a mess what am I doing? I'm always thinking about him and how I can make him happy. Is this bad? Shouldn’t he be the one making this “effort”? We decided to be friends but why can't I just let it go. Am I playing myself God? I feel like I am... I’m so embarrassed. He has broken my heart more than once. But for some reason I sill have this desire to be his. Is this what God desires for me right now? Are you letting this happen because there's something you want me to learn? God I really need you...maybe its not for me to know where you want me to be right now but God I want to please you. I want to please you with my thoughts, my actions, my attitude. I don’t want to be so caught up in what this guy, or any guy, thinks and/or if he’s “the one.” Then I don’t want to worry about who and when “the one” is coming. I think I really messed up this time. I didn’t listen to you when you told me to guard my heart. When you told me to leave it alone and focus on our relationship. I read deep into everything he said. I opened up and revealed so much of myself to him, God I need you. I need you to forgive me, teach me; show me your face. Draw me back to you God. I’m so sorry for being distracted and letting this take over my thoughts. Convict me father when I start to think too much or start to give into my feelings. Convict me in my conversation, thoughts, and motives. I’m so sorry God I need more of you. Please forgive me I truly Love you. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Though he urged her to be obedient, she allowed her emotions to guide her.
She had been praying in the midst of the situation that God would remove the disracting thoughts and cares. She prayed for the discipline to make every thought obedient to God. From the beginning she prayed for protection over her heart and for God to provide her with his wisdom and discernment.
God placed on her heart before all of the confusion started that she needed to guard her heart and to stay away from the desires He knew she wasn't ready for. He needed her to spend more time with Him learning how to love and be loved.
I'll set you as a seal upon my heart,
as a seal upon my arm;
for your love is as strong as death,
its jealousy demanding as the grave.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away."
"You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours
There is a song I heard at church and the lyrics sing:
Could the results she's being faced with now be not only the consequence of her choice to follow her emotions but also the exact thing she prayed for? "God just take it all away. I want to be truly and entirely yours and yours alone" were the words of her prayers and based on the present evidence we can see that God heard her.
She writes:
This is just a mess what am I doing? I'm always thinking about him and how I can make him happy. Is this bad? Shouldn’t he be the one making this “effort”? We decided to be friends but why can't I just let it go. Am I playing myself God? I feel like I am... I’m so embarrassed. He has broken my heart more than once. But for some reason I sill have this desire to be his. Is this what God desires for me right now? Are you letting this happen because there's something you want me to learn? God I really need you...maybe its not for me to know where you want me to be right now but God I want to please you. I want to please you with my thoughts, my actions, my attitude. I don’t want to be so caught up in what this guy, or any guy, thinks and/or if he’s “the one.” Then I don’t want to worry about who and when “the one” is coming. I think I really messed up this time. I didn’t listen to you when you told me to guard my heart. When you told me to leave it alone and focus on our relationship. I read deep into everything he said. I opened up and revealed so much of myself to him, God I need you. I need you to forgive me, teach me; show me your face. Draw me back to you God. I’m so sorry for being distracted and letting this take over my thoughts. Convict me father when I start to think too much or start to give into my feelings. Convict me in my conversation, thoughts, and motives. I’m so sorry God I need more of you. Please forgive me I truly Love you. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Though he urged her to be obedient, she allowed her emotions to guide her.
She had been praying in the midst of the situation that God would remove the disracting thoughts and cares. She prayed for the discipline to make every thought obedient to God. From the beginning she prayed for protection over her heart and for God to provide her with his wisdom and discernment.
God placed on her heart before all of the confusion started that she needed to guard her heart and to stay away from the desires He knew she wasn't ready for. He needed her to spend more time with Him learning how to love and be loved.
I'll set you as a seal upon my heart,
as a seal upon my arm;
for your love is as strong as death,
its jealousy demanding as the grave.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away."
"You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours
There is a song I heard at church and the lyrics sing:
Could the results she's being faced with now be not only the consequence of her choice to follow her emotions but also the exact thing she prayed for? "God just take it all away. I want to be truly and entirely yours and yours alone" were the words of her prayers and based on the present evidence we can see that God heard her.
Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say,'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now' Hosea 2:6-7
Above all else guard our heart, for it is the wellspring of life Proverbs 4:23
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Solomon 8:4
Cast all our anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
We take captive every thought and make it obedient to God 2 Cor. 10:5
She is placing a seal upon her heart as it is written in Song of Solomon 8:6. She prays God will once again ignite the flame so that it burns like a blazing fire for Him.
The one line is in bold because God's love is so strong that He can become jealous of anything or anyone that tries to take His place. Because He knew the results of her decision He took away the thing that was holding her back from Him. Her thoughts, motives everything was wrapped up in the illusion and God continued to chase her heart to bring her back. He won't relent until He has our whole heart and now that this has been made clear all she can do is completely surrender. She now has room to grow in trusting the Lord and loving Him. Room to learn to wait and set boundaries in order to protect herself. She has learned to not offer too much of herself to a man until she has good, solid evidence that he is strong and willing to commit.
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