Push Me

I am sitting Indian style just looking ahead of me. I have climbed this entire mountain. I have gotten so close to the very top., all I need to do is walk over to the other side. But I don't. Instead I just sit there. I can see the light shining inviting me to explore all that it has to offer. I think about how wonderful it must be over there. I don't know what to expect, but He's telling me He has my best interest in mind. He's reminding me how He traveled with me this whole way; even when I didn't want Him with me. He let me know that He is going to go over to the other side with me. "You don't need to worry love, I will never leave you," He says. "But I like this little spot I found. It's comfortable. I don't know if I can get over to the other side. My equipment may not be able to make it," was my response. He looks at me and reminds me that He's there to help. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. He loves me. His encouragement causes me to stand. OK I trust you I am going to make my way forward. "I believe you love me, and I know you will never leave me." I began to walk forward. As I come closer to the top of the mountain of life I am stopped at a cliff. Before me I can see the vast world of so much possibility and depth. Like an ocean horizon that has no end, it continues as my eyes search the expanse. I get closer to the edge and I look to see how high I am. So high. A fall would be forever from here. My life would be in pieces. I see what's before me but how can I get there? Once I'm there what am I supposed to do? How will I know where I am supposed to go? I liked my spot I think I'll just stay there; this is way too much to handle and navigate all alone. I am leaning further on the cliff as I look before me and I felt a gentle push on my back. I lose my footing and search frantically for my balance.

"I told you I will never leave you. I love you so much, just trust me."

"I am so afraid! I don't even know what I'm doing. Besides what is the point anymore my equipment isn't good enough. What can I add out there what can I do?"

I felt another push

"I have it planned. I will finish what I started in you. Put your faith in me; let my love and your love for me be what compels you to keep going. Don't worry about anything, but trust in me. In whatever you do, do it in Love for me."

"But God, I can't I just can't. I don't have what it takes."

I felt another push now I am on my toes leaning over the edge

"Do you love me"

"I love you"

"Do you trust me"

"I trust you God"

"Don't let your thoughts put boundaries on your life in me. I see you for who you are and I know who I have called you to be. You are lacking nothing and in me you can do all things. I have given you new life and I renewed your strength. I will stay with you and we will grow closer to each other. I have been with you this far. There is no fear. Listen, love me and let me love you, seek my face, fill yourself with my word, come with me where ever I go. Keep your faith. Believe these things I tell you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too." Hesitant with tears welling up. "God" I sigh in between heavier breaths. "I need you closer I want to believe but I need to get pass these insecurities and my uncertainty. Help my belief God. I want to live for you alone. Leaning further now. Love me God, teach me, lead me....God I need you to push me."