This is the Post Graduate Series. I have decided to try something new for a while. It is now November and we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving. I graduated six months ago and so much has happened. I have so much to be grateful for. I have seen God working and moving in my life and in the lives of my family members and friends. There is so much I want to share. I want to update you and keep you updated. I will share some journal entries and the lessons I have learned. *disclaimer: there are pieces of this story I have chosen not to reveal, at least not yet* I will still post some of my random thoughts and conversations but this series will be one that continues throughout. Think of it as me documenting this stage of my life. That's how I see it.




So I'll start in August...



I came home (Richmond) August 15 2010 from another GREAT summer at Summer's Best Two Weeks CitiKidz. In that month (July 8- Aug 15) God definitely pruned me and taught me so much about his love, patience, and trusting Him. I was able to learn at camp and in the days immediately following what it meant to allow God to Satisfy Himself at my expense. Before and off and on during camp I arranged with my mom and dad a trip to visit my aunt and her family in Huntsville, Alabama. There, I would spend time with them, job search a bit, and maybe do some networking.



8-12-2010 Journal Entry

Well its Thursday of the last week of camp. What have I learned? I guess I realized that I'm soaking in more than I thought. Before camp I felt dry and complacent. However, after seeing how God has used me I realize that He's been working all along. In speaking about Him, connections are made that I never knew were there before. Ministering to these girls has shed light on both my weaknesses and my strengths. There were great weeks and then there were times were I encountered great resistance. In different ways the girls acted out and God revealed to me how similar our behavior can often be towards Him. That realization definitely opened my eyes and allowed me to gain a better understanding of the level of compassion and grace God has and gives to us daily.

My assertiveness (something I once viewed as a negative aspect) has become somewhat of a tool in this walk and during this experience more than I thought. God identified for me ways to use it; the appropriate time and the intensity. I was able to speak to the young girls in love and encouragement but also firmly when necessary. I can now see its value growing in me. I also learned the importance of waiting and loving God->not wishing my time away but lingering in it with Him; eager to hear and understand what I need to learn. I have no idea what to expect when I get back home but I know I'm ready for your will to be done in my life. It's the same enemy at home and the same God that has been here with me these five weeks. I’m taking the discipline, zeal, accountability and purpose home too.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

The same warfare...Continue to pray that He moves and it's not by my own strength but His.



The day after my arrival home there was a disagreement with my parents regarding my future...my life plans both immediate and future



8-15-10

Had a feeling it would be this way. I was asking myself how will I explain what I've learned to them and what I expect. God, I hate it here so much sometimes. I am trying, God, to be patient but I have no idea what's going on. She says that what I am saying when I'm trying to talk about what you have shown me is all gibberish. I have an idea of my future and they don't agree and now I'm being shunned and ridiculed. What is this? I am begging you to make your presence known in this situation. That your will be done. I realize that I can't make sense of this and I will not dumb anything down. I pray you will be glorified. I surrender my heart, my mind, my future and my family to you understanding that the power to change hearts and move mountains lies in your hands and not my own. I rely wholly on you. You are sovereign. You are active. I know that through this I will come to know you more and I thank you for that. Mark 5:28-29, 2 Samuel 13:12-13, James 1:2-4.

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”





Our disagreement escalated. I found myself frustrated with my family, my own actions, and all of the confusion. Still I was preparing to leave for Alabama on the 18th. Our focus almost immediately shifted to getting my younger brother to college and me to Alabama, just as we planned.



I was packed and on my way to Alabama August 18th 2010...to be continued...

Joshua Harris describes in his book Boy Meets Girl the dynamic of relationships/courtship and allowing God to guide you with his wisdon (instead of our feelings alone) by using the analogy of a kite and a string.

 He writes, “The relationship between wisdom and romance is like the one between a string and a kite. Romantic love is the kite that catches the wind and tenaciously heads to the sky; wisdom is the string that holds it back. The tension is real, but healthy. Without the string, the kite would quickly come crashing to the ground. In the same way, romance without wisdom will soon take a nosedive… Like a string on a kite, wisdom enables romance to really soar. It anchors it, disciplines it, and brings it to its highest potential.”

Passion based in ignorance or haste can invite disaster (Prov. 19:2)

Don't let your feelings say "I want this right now!" and forget about patience or seeking the reality and wisdom provided by God's incorruptable word. Our feelings should be based on the information we have recieved from God, controlled, and shared in line with what he desires and what will ultimately glorify him.

Just thought this was a cool analogy and wanted to share

In His Love,
Miss Amanda ♥

Some say: "Oh...well, God knows my heart"

Yes He sure does ->“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings." Jeremiah 17:9-10

"But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:1-13

NOW HERE'S THE PROMISE ->"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. I will deliver you from all your uncleannesses...." Ezekiel 36:26-28

How can you keep a heart that's clean ->"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:9-11

Just some thoughts...
 
♥ Miss Manda

So I was riding in the car with my Aunt and on the radio, popular singer, Monica's song began to play. The song is called Love All Over Me and after listening closely I noticed that this song was a lot deeper than most would perceive it to be. She sings passionately about a love interest. Her words speak of a transformation in her as a result of this new found love. Listening intently I began to analyze. I thought "wow this is almost idolatry of some dude" and " seriously? he touched your heart and now it beats?..wait a minute." As I listened scripture was brought to my remembrance and I began to look at this song as one of worship to God. Its so interesting that a lot of these secular artists express the love that they long for. One that's deep, true and unconditional. One that can only come from the Father. Its as if we know who we need and long for but we place our affections on people and things of this world. If you only knew how much God loves us and how intimate he wants to be with each of us. Nothing compares.

Here are some lyrics (I inserted some scriptures references that correlate)

Before your love baby I was lonely
 filled deep with pain til you took it from me
 you showered me with a new beginning now I'm clean, (2 Corinthians 5:17, Ezekiel 36:36)
Took me by surprise when you ran up on me,
 I came to life baby (Father lol) in that moment (Ephesians 2:4-5)
you put your hands on my heart and baby now it beats (Ezekiel 36:26)

Hook:
I got love all over me,
baby you touch every part of me
(Ooh) I got love all over me and I don't wanna get it off
I'm completely covered up in your love (Psalm 36:7)


God your are so awesome. Thank you for your amazing and unfailing love!!!

I'M BACK!

It has been some time and things have certainly changed. On May 8 ( over a month ago) I graduated from James Madison University with my Bachelors of Science Degree in Sociology YAY!!

It was almost unreal. The day was eerily clear and the whole ceremony flowed so well. I thought before the actual day about how sad I would be sitting there and seeing my friends cross the stage.
When I heard my named called and it was my time to cross the stage, I thought that would be the moment "it" all hit me. Instead I didn't feel much of anything. I wasn't sad or extremely happy. I was good, finished and content. I was just...done. My undergrad career was over and I was...OK. Today I'm still...OK. I took an awesome trip with a group of my good friends (and
fellow grads) and gotten comfortable here at home. Sooo what's next you ask? Well its all in God's hands. I have a rough (and I mean rough) draft of what I want to do. Other than that there's no pressure. I'm trying to use my time to allow God to teach me. I and trying to draw closer to him in this odd position that I'm in right now. Being here for the past month I realized that I need him even more. With my patience being tested and the alone time working my nerves, I am desperately seeking God in hopes that he remove from me the things that I have been able to see in myself that aren't very good representations of him. In this peculiar season there is only room to grow. God's plan is perfect and I'm hanging on to his every word as he positions me right where he needs me.



*Just wanted to share a poem (well somewhat of one) I wrote quite some time ago. I felt that it was appropriate for this particular post because it shows that though its been some time since I've posted, I'm still learning and hearing from God, and STILL seeking his face. Love Him So Much!*
~Still~

I am sitting Indian style just looking ahead of me. I have climbed this entire mountain. I have gotten so close to the very top., all I need to do is walk over to the other side. But I don't. Instead I just sit there. I can see the light shining inviting me to explore all that it has to offer. I think about how wonderful it must be over there. I don't know what to expect, but He's telling me He has my best interest in mind. He's reminding me how He traveled with me this whole way; even when I didn't want Him with me. He let me know that He is going to go over to the other side with me. "You don't need to worry love, I will never leave you," He says. "But I like this little spot I found. It's comfortable. I don't know if I can get over to the other side. My equipment may not be able to make it," was my response. He looks at me and reminds me that He's there to help. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to me. He loves me. His encouragement causes me to stand. OK I trust you I am going to make my way forward. "I believe you love me, and I know you will never leave me." I began to walk forward. As I come closer to the top of the mountain of life I am stopped at a cliff. Before me I can see the vast world of so much possibility and depth. Like an ocean horizon that has no end, it continues as my eyes search the expanse. I get closer to the edge and I look to see how high I am. So high. A fall would be forever from here. My life would be in pieces. I see what's before me but how can I get there? Once I'm there what am I supposed to do? How will I know where I am supposed to go? I liked my spot I think I'll just stay there; this is way too much to handle and navigate all alone. I am leaning further on the cliff as I look before me and I felt a gentle push on my back. I lose my footing and search frantically for my balance.

"I told you I will never leave you. I love you so much, just trust me."

"I am so afraid! I don't even know what I'm doing. Besides what is the point anymore my equipment isn't good enough. What can I add out there what can I do?"

I felt another push

"I have it planned. I will finish what I started in you. Put your faith in me; let my love and your love for me be what compels you to keep going. Don't worry about anything, but trust in me. In whatever you do, do it in Love for me."

"But God, I can't I just can't. I don't have what it takes."

I felt another push now I am on my toes leaning over the edge

"Do you love me"

"I love you"

"Do you trust me"

"I trust you God"

"Don't let your thoughts put boundaries on your life in me. I see you for who you are and I know who I have called you to be. You are lacking nothing and in me you can do all things. I have given you new life and I renewed your strength. I will stay with you and we will grow closer to each other. I have been with you this far. There is no fear. Listen, love me and let me love you, seek my face, fill yourself with my word, come with me where ever I go. Keep your faith. Believe these things I tell you. I love you so much."

"I love you, too." Hesitant with tears welling up. "God" I sigh in between heavier breaths. "I need you closer I want to believe but I need to get pass these insecurities and my uncertainty. Help my belief God. I want to live for you alone. Leaning further now. Love me God, teach me, lead me....God I need you to push me."